A new person has been hired at work, supposedly not to "replace" me but instead to help me. I understand, I'm pretty unreliable. It would help my office, not me. Oh well, gotta do what I gotta do.

i feel like i dont have the tools i really need to take this course cuz i barely got by with my other courses that should have prepared me

and i'm really bad at studying & going to class so basically i fucked myself over and now i'm trying to salvage what i can

i hate poli sci!!

I am sorry to all my readers/followers and to myself for not recording my hardest times. The past year or even couple of years has been pretty bad for me. Not only am I continuing to fail at my courses but I've managed to gain a shit load of weight, accrue more debt, and lose a few jobs. I really don't know what's wrong with me. It could be my medical problems (PCOS & ADHD) but I don't think it could be this bad. I wanna just say I'm lazy but honestly, I'm not. I feel as though I see myself working really hard on certain things but I ignore whatever else. I may need a little push here and there or maybe everyday. Things have been pretty bad lately. I am supposed to have graduated semesters ago but I F'd up! I let things get the best of me and continue to do so. Anyways, I started the semester with 18 credits (6 classes) and now I'm only down to 6 credits (2 classes). Not only am I not full-time, I am still doing bad in one of the classes. I only work about 15 hours a week, if even. I spend a lot of time on campus but I also spend a lot of time at home. I spend hours upon hours online doing absolutely nothing productive. Is it just me or are there people out here with the same problem?

It puzzles me. I am so ambitious and motivated but at the same time I have done no work to prove it lately. I want to be better for myself and for my family but where do I start? Well, I have taken some steps to get there... such as, I went to see a psychologist who diagnosed me with AD/HD. (You don't have to be hyper to have ADHD. There are two types, the hyperactive one and the inattentive one). I think everyone has a bit of ADHD but mine has gone to the extreme where it's affecting my daily life. Anyways, I went to the health center on campus for the prescription and I got it about a month ago. I have been so bad with it! I don't take it, not because I really forget to but I have to think about it and see if I really wanna take it or not. I hate relying on medication. Booo! But yeah, I haven't been taking it lately. I was advised to take it only when I do need to study and go to class and all so that's what I do. I'll have to become more consistent. My problem is being consistent and reliable, I am a HOT mess!

Sorry this post has been only on the negative tip, I am just struggling so much with myself. Need to get my head cleared and out of this cloud. Some things that have been going good for me lately:

1. I met a doctoral student who wants to mentor me and get me into the McNair Scholars program. I am excited about this cause I have had mentorship EVER and if I have, it hasn't really gone specific into my academics. I am happy someone cares about me and shows it... especially when it comes to my school work.

That's all that's looking good for me right now.

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

What a stressful semester this last one was. I was taking 3 Pol Sci courses plus another 2 classes to add to that. I was very disappointed in grades =( BOOHOO! Enough moping about last semester. My summer is basically gonna be another semester as well. Right now I'm taking Pol Sci Stats, I can tell it's going to be a challenge but I'll give it a shot for now, it's a 6-week intensive course so no exams but lots of hw and a quiz every week. I'll be taking two more classes in the later part of the summer as well. I need to graduate dammit!